Catch up

Ok, so I haven't posted for 3 days. Very sorry. There's a lot been going on that I can't really write about and I just wasn't in the mood for writing it anyway. I always thought that bullying was something that only happened at school, so imagine how I feel when I realise that someone I was friends with has actually been bullying me for a while. I say realise because she managed to hide it very well. Basically I'm made to feel bad for good things that happen to me: having other friends, having a job after I graduate, writing essays well, and it goes on. It took some big stuff for me to realise I've been manipulated and made to feel guilty far too much. And I'm not going to take it anymore. I've been bullied enough in my life to know what's going on even if she doesn't realise what she's doing. Just have to find a way to let her know all this.

Yet another friend who has gone mad! I am going to wear a health warning: WARNING Friendship with this girl may be hazardous to the state of your mental health and sanity!

Still haven't finished my critique! Meant to be doing that now but I really can't be bothered :)

Actually, better had do it then I can get it over with and have a fun night in with Nic.

Went to see Rie last night. We had a really lovely time. I miss her lots so it was fab to spend time with just her. And Aunty Hazel gave me lovely food so I was very happy.

Nice things

Two people said I looked pretty today. One was someone I hardly know and the other was someone I'm not getting on with. Bizarre, but nice.

Dress Shopping

I hate shopping. A lot. The number of times I've cried in the changing room because I can't find anything that fits! Nic and I went looking for a party dress for me today, but no luck. I need something for our birthday party in June. She has a beautiful dress which I have refused to look at until I can promise myself I won't be jealous.

I cannot find a dress, as designers seem to think that anyone over a size 18 does not want to look nice. I was clearly getting ideas above my station and should be happy with leggings, or a tent! It's appalling, it really is. And I refuse to wear my usual black cocktail dress because I always wear it and black is dull, and last time I wore it was in our dreadful production of The Importance of Being Earnest. Not so bad I hear you say, but I watched myself on the video and I actually looked like a WHALE!!! If only the doctors could work out what's wrong with me and find a way of helping me to lose weight, but it looks like I'm going to be huge for life.

Nic's just had an idea - Shoes. How about if I found some really nice shoes, would I wear the black dress then? It's possible. If my legs looked alright I might be happier. And shoes are easier to buy - they actually fit.

Hohum. It's all a touch irritating. I'm hoping I'll get some happier posts done soon. When I stop feeling sorry for myself. Group meeting this afternoon in the pub. Clare and I have made sandwiches because we can't afford to buy lunch! And I'm going to have to be civil and professional with a certain unkind person. Darn!

And it's Patrick's birthday today. I would have bought him a present, but he's in Greece. Still. For the next 4 months at least. And I miss him. Can't just call him. He's lost his phone anyway, wally!

Oops, I'm going to be late for the old meeting...

Flies

I hate them. Flying insects - yuk! It's greenfly season, so there's millions of them, flying around, getting in my hair and my eyes and my mouth. And they're not just greenflies, there are bizarre pale blue ones too. Hideous. They make me feel all gross and itchy!!!!